Tarot Reflections and Free Write - 6 of Pentacles and Death.

At the start of each month, I do the same Tarot Spread to gain foresight for the month ahead. This month, I drew three cards for the overall energy or lesson for the month of September, all relating to the idea of giving and receiving.

Overall Energy of September:

LightSeers: 6 of Pentacles

Oracle: Assisting with Access and Women Supporting Women

And, as I broke down each week's main theme or insight, I turned over the Death and Rebirth card for the first week.

First Week of September:

Death and Rebirth

The first things that stood out to me about these particular cards is the timeliness of them. Death and Rebirth was a ‘continuation’ card in the sense that it was also the card I drew for the last week of August, which means that not only does it represent a potential life changing or ‘big’ concept in my life at the moment, but that it is a longer process this time around, and one that has already begun.

It begs me to ask the question ‘what is already dying and being released? What is already losing momentum or has been lost? What is being reborn in its place?’ and I feel a sense of curiosity as I consider this previous week (truthfully, it doesn’t feel like this last week has been particularly ‘big’ in any way) as well as the week to come.

WHAT IS LOSING MOMENTUM OR BEGGING TO BE RELEASED? One thing that pops up for me is the somewhat intimidating concept of identity shift. I have been mourning quite a bit for the ‘bad ass, rough-around-the-edges, party girl’ that I spent much of my life as. I know deeply that I seem to be moving into a much softer phase, a much simpler phase. A physical inability to participate in alcohol, drugs, partying, anger the way I used to. It’s been an ongoing joke that my belly can’t handle alcohol and, there’s ‘no fun for baby girl’ anymore. I have been shifting away from smoking weed, even - and I do miss that wild, untamed girl I once was.

But, admittedly, I recognize that she was just that - a girl. A wild child who turned to these things for the wrong reasons, even though she enjoyed them and had a goddamn wild little blast in the first half or more of her life experience. I recognize that the woman coming forth within me no longer needs that escape. Is no longer quick to feel that anger, that rebellion, that craving of excitement and danger and adventure. The woman coming forth within me is soft. Vulnerable. Open. She is calm, she is content, she enjoys comfort, safety, and security. She whispers gently to the wild child who feels left behind that it’s ok now - because everything that girl desperately wanted underneath the hard exterior is now hers. Safety and security. Safety.

Things the girl had never had before.

Additionally, the 6 of Pentacles falls into this category of DUALITY. Death and regeneration, mourning and celebration, letting go and welcoming more, teaching and learning, giving and receiving.

Yesterday, I felt compelled to do two separate generous acts for my students, both around offering free class instruction to specific groups of folks who have showed up and really supported me and my small business over the last few months. The gratitude I received back felt immensely rewarding, and I’ve been sort of riding that high and considering that quite a bit ever since. Admittedly, it felt better than anything has in awhile, and I found myself contemplating the idea of abundance vs. scarcity in my offering my services up for free.

It’s true, I do not ‘work for free’ but, I can give of my own accord without having the fear that by gifting away my time and resources, I will not be able to achieve the level of financial freedom and success I desire and deserve.

This card, and those feelings of deep reward leave me feeling otherwise. Perhaps the opposite is true. Perhaps the giving is what turns the wheel of reciprocity. Perhaps by releasing the fear of scarcity and recognizing I have enough to give some away is what inspires those around me to give back to me, as well.

I do not want to be a fearful, self-serving capitalist. I want to be a community member and leader. I want to give and receive openly without fear and without greed.

This too, points to the shift from the hard-edged and self serving girl to the soft and community serving woman.

Death and Rebirth - Giving and Receiving.

It once again comes full circle.